“You’ve Been Trying So Hard. You Don’t Have to Anymore. Let’s Rest.”

This happened when I was working in sales.

The pressure to boost sales numbers and mentor junior colleagues was piling up. On top of that, due to a staffing shortage, I was transferred from the job I wanted to a department selling bigger products.

My senior colleague was a top performer nationwide, but all he’d say, no matter what I asked or observed, was, “This is how I’d do it.” As a woman working with this man, our personalities and communication styles were so different that his approach was completely lost on me as a beginner.

I kept thinking, “I have to sell,” and “I can’t be a bad performer while mentoring others.” Everyone around me kept saying, “You can do it, just try harder,” which made me feel consumed by the need to push myself, and I grew increasingly anxious.

Over time, I couldn’t get up in the morning, felt unwell at work, and my expression became gloomy. People pointed it out, which made work go even worse.

At home, I became hysterical and constantly got into arguments with my siblings. My mother noticed something was wrong and urged me to see a psychiatrist.

At my first visit, the doctor asked me to talk about whatever was on my mind, no matter how jumbled. I poured out how I wanted to die, how I felt I had to keep pushing but couldn’t, and how, while driving to clients on the highway, I thought, “If I got into an accident, I could quit.”

Crying through my disjointed thoughts, the doctor said, “You’ve been trying so hard. You don’t have to anymore. Let’s rest.”

I’d always believed that pushing through work and life would fix everything, so hearing that I didn’t have to was an immense relief.

※This article is a personal depression story. The content is solely based on personal experience and is not medical advice. Consult a doctor for professional advice.