“You Can’t Find Peace Until You Fully Face Your Anxiety”

I’m currently a 29-year-old woman.

When I was 21, I was diagnosed with depression, along with anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and insomnia.

It’s been about eight years now.

I never imagined I’d struggle with illness and disorders for so long. The reason it’s lasted this long is because my condition stems from family issues.

I’ve been treating it with medication and cognitive therapy through counseling, but the deep-rooted nature of the problem makes it a slow process.

Growing up in a family with extremely limited communication, I developed a worldview and values that feel out of sync with society.

Trying to adjust those while undergoing treatment is incredibly exhausting.

My body lacks stamina, making me want to give up halfway, and my mental energy is low, so every day feels tough.

I often felt like I didn’t belong in this world.

One day, while browsing online, I came across a phrase that struck me deeply.

It was a quote from the artist Kururi. I jotted it down quickly, so I’m not entirely sure, but I think it’s from a line in their song “Bara no Hana”.

The phrase was: “You can’t find peace until you fully face your anxiety.”

Peace… Right now, all I feel is anxiety, impatience, frustration, and resignation.

It’s so painful that others can’t understand how intense it is. If I keep facing this pain and anxiety head-on, will peace eventually come?

Knowing that the person who wrote those words must have also grappled with their own deep anxieties gives me some perspective.

I don’t feel even a shred of certainty that peace will come, but those words made me think, “Maybe I’ll try facing my anxiety.”

I still struggle with my illnesses and disorders, but I keep this phrase in mind as I continue my treatment.

※This article is a personal depression story. The content is solely based on personal experience and is not medical advice. Consult a doctor for professional advice.