I was diagnosed with depression at 19.
After high school, I started working, but falling asleep on the job led to a sleep disorder diagnosis, and during treatment, I developed depression.
Let’s focus on the depression.
At first, I thought rest would fix it. Three months, and I’d be back to work.
But as days, weeks, and months passed with nothing getting done, guilt piled up. I realized it wasn’t that simple.
Was I not working, or could I not work? One word makes a huge difference.
I knew I needed rest, but I also thought: I’m young, my body works, so why aren’t I at my job? Am I just lazy?
I couldn’t fully appreciate what my family did for me. I felt irritated and sad instead.
With depression, I took psychiatric meds, but from my experience, they don’t cure it alone.
At first, I tried different meds under my doctor’s guidance to find what worked.
I started with a small dose and a few types, but over time, they increased. At my worst, I was taking seven pills after every meal. Looking back, that’s wild.
My mom and I trusted the doctor, so I kept taking them. But I never felt like the meds were fixing me.
Instead of getting better, I got worse—more anxiety, insomnia, oversleeping, flipped sleep schedule, and I shut myself in my room even more.
What got me out of depression was my dad’s words: “If you’re not going to work, I’ll throw you in a mental hospital or wherever!” He yelled, spat it out, slammed the door, and left.
Hearing that, I felt more resignation than fear.
I knew I couldn’t stay like this. I had to leave home. I felt like if I stayed, my dad would crush me.
Not a physical death, but a mental one. Realizing home wasn’t a safe haven, I unexpectedly found a spark of independence.
Since then, I have down days, but I don’t slip back to that place. I don’t want to, and I never want to hear those words from my dad again.
※本記事は個人のうつ病体験談です。体験内容はあくまで個人の体験であり、医療アドバイスではありません。専門的なアドバイスを希望する場合は医師へ相談を。
※This article is a personal depression story. The content is solely based on personal experience and is not medical advice. Consult a doctor for professional advice.