No Need to Feel Unnecessary Guilt

I was diagnosed with depression at 20.

I was working, but mentally and physically, I couldn’t keep up like others, so I worked as a part-timer.

Even then, with insomnia, I’d take sudden days off when I felt bad, probably causing a lot of trouble for my coworkers.

I wanted to quit and focus on recovery, but I had no family or friends to talk to and needed money for hospital visits.

One day, pushing myself too hard started affecting my work, and my body gave out. That’s when my family found out about my depression and insomnia.

I felt so useless and blamed myself harshly for being unable to do anything.

My body and mind were in pain, yet I couldn’t act.

Around that time, hoping to ease my illness, I was watching a medical drama, Dr. HOUSE. A line from the main character, a doctor, saved me.

It was: “No need to feel unnecessary guilt.” When the doctor said that, I felt like I was forgiven.

I realized the symptoms in my mind and body were because of the illness, so I decided to stop blaming and pushing myself harder.

Only I truly understand my feelings, so it felt wrong for me to blame myself.

After that, when I started to blame myself, I’d pause and think: this is the illness trying to make me suffer more. I shouldn’t give in. That made me feel a bit lighter.

Now, I don’t blame myself as much, and my depression is slowly getting better.

※This article is a personal depression story. The content is solely based on personal experience and is not medical advice. Consult a doctor for professional advice.