Since I was a kid, people said I had wild mood swings. I don’t fly into rages, but I’d crash into lows or get overly hyped at times. I’ve messed up with alcohol too, so I’ve been dodging invites lately.
What bothered me was having no reason to feel down. I’d get this vague, lingering gloom for days, sometimes skipping work. Then, out of nowhere, I’d get hyped, lose sleep, and end up wandering out at night.
My family and I just chalked it up to my personality, but it turned out to be a “condition” with a diagnosis.
One day, I was holed up in my room, skipping work as usual. A worried coworker dragged me out to town. I wasn’t into it, just zoning out as they pulled me around.
Then, in a boutique, I spotted a bag I’d wanted. It cost 40,000 yen, but I decided to buy it. At the register, something shifted inside me.
I felt this rush of “bliss” from my lower body. The gloom I’d felt vanished like a lie—my body felt light, and I wanted to shout, “Everything’s fixed!”
From that day, whenever I felt low, I’d unconsciously shop. My room overflowed with stuff. My mom warned me, but I couldn’t stop, nearly maxing out my credit card despite knowing it was bad.
Mom consulted someone and took me to a psychiatrist. After spilling everything, I was told I had “shopping addiction,” linked to bipolar disorder. It hit me hard to learn what I thought was “personality” was a “condition” showing signs since youth.
They prescribed “Abilify” and a sleep med, and I started outpatient care. Since then, my mood swings have eased—I can tell the meds work. I feel a bit dulled, but I’m not running to shop anymore, and life’s calmer.
※本記事は個人のうつ病体験談です。体験内容はあくまで個人の体験であり、医療アドバイスではありません。専門的なアドバイスを希望する場合は医師へ相談を。
※This article is a personal depression story. The content is solely based on personal experience and is not medical advice. Consult a doctor for professional advice.